Once upon a time, I was a married man.
I put it like that, because this was way back in the 1990s, and it seems like a lifetime ago. There are, in fact, times I forget I was married altogether. And I don't say that to be glib, but because the time that has elapsed since my divorce is now almost triple the time I was married.
We got married too young.
We met when I was just a couple years out of high school, and then lived together for close to five years before actually tying the knot. I was only 25 then – and I was but 30 when we filed for divorce. All in all, we were together just around 10 years.
After that, I was in two long-term relationships: The first one, immediately after my divorce, lasted three years; the other lasted seven. Since then, well, women have come and gone, but I think it's safe to say I've been in little danger of getting married again over the last little while.
I've been known to joke about not getting married again, but it's never because I think marriage itself is a joke. It's more because getting divorced was so incredibly painful.
I asked for the divorce, and there has never been a day I thought I made the wrong decision, but it was easily the most unpleasant experience I've endured in my entire life. It took a year for the divorce to finalize, but it wasn't until many, many years after that I actually recovered from that ordeal. And I know for a fact the two relationships I was in after that suffered tremendously as a result.
So, to cut a potentially longer story off at the pass: I'd gladly get married again. I'm not so keen on a second divorce.
If you've been divorced, you likely know the feeling. And statistically, it's likely you have been divorced – something like 50% of all marriages end that way nowadays.
For the most part, we go into those unions full of love and with the best intentions, but at some point, love breaks down, and our lives are torn asunder. Sometimes, things simply don't work out.
That doesn't stop people from getting married.
And it shouldn't.
Countless people get married and that's that. Many people have happy marriages. My own parents – married as teens, no less – are still together, decades on now, and spending time with them is an absolute joy. In fact, most of the people I know who are together for the long haul seem incredibly happy. I'll poke fun at them sometimes, because they can't go out drinking or go to the movies or brunch, dinner, whatever, but I only kid with them because to admit the obvious – that I'm actually rather envious – is somehow the less appealing alternative.
Marriage is important, though, and I think that anytime two people are genuinely in love and want to share their lives together, it's one of the most amazing things in the world. And I won't lie: I wish I could experience that.
More to the point, I wish everyone could experience that, because if two people are joined together in life, then that's two fewer people in this world that aren't divided.
And it shouldn't matter if it's man and woman, man and man, or woman and woman. If two people love each other and want to make this world a better place by coming together through marriage, there is absolutely no rational explanation for standing in their way. It makes no sense at all to prevent two people who want to share their lives together, who want to build a family, from fulfilling their dreams.
However, there are some – and I suspect we're going to hear a lot from them over the weeks and months to come – who would argue that allowing everyone the same rights is a threat to the institution of marriage. Their arguments are nothing new, but this is an election year, and last week President Obama stated once and for all his belief that marriage is a right that should be shared by everyone.
Looking at today's headlines, I see a lot of them are about "gay marriage" and "same-sex marriage," and it's true – that's what is being debated. What's really at stake here, though, is equality, because right now, there is a group of people who are being denied the same rights as others. Gay couples are being told they can't get married, that they somehow aren't the same as straight couples and should not enjoy the same rights.
That's wrong.
But it's nothing new for our beleaguered nation, because just like I was married once upon a time, there was also a far-flung time when women couldn't vote, where basic civil rights were not shared by African Americans, and when interracial marriage was illegal.
Times changed, though, those wrongs were made right, and I think most of us would agree we're all the better for those changes.
"Gay marriage," "same-sex marriage" – ultimately, it's just "marriage," and we shouldn't be creating laws to prevent it – we should be looking for ways to encourage it.
Rules and laws exist to prevent bad behavior. Stealing is bad behavior. Assault is bad behavior. Vandalism. Child abuse. Murder. Molestation. I could go on and on.
But marriage?
Speaking as someone who has tried it and failed, marriage is model behavior – something to strive for.
